Today I received this email and prayer from a post-abortive mother, whose story is tragically the norm in Obstetrics. This is as damning an assessment about OB/Gyn as I have ever seen. This mom has graciously consented to my sharing her story with any who will take a moment and walk the road with her. Her identity will remain anonymous. Please take a moment and lift her up in your prayers.
Greetings Dr. Nadal … I’ve recently stumbled across your blog, and am quite impressed by its contents and depth of thought. If you have a moment to spare, I’m very interested in your thoughts regarding poor prenatal abortions. I’ve aborted a very much wanted pregnancy in the second trimester due to Trisomy 18. I was never fond of the “choice” then, and I still suffer the consequence of that “choice” now. It saddens me to think that the medical community whose mantra is to do no harm has become so callused as to the dignity of life that they feel they can choose who deserves to live or die. The medical profession has become nothing more than a scripted flowchart of if this, then do that. Pity the child whose prenatal tests result in termination. Once upon a time I thought that “high risk obstetrics” meant that these guys must really know their stuff to be able to handle the “hard” cases. Only now do I realize that “high risk obstetrics” is nothing more than a fancy term for abortionists to hide behind. I who had sought out the “best” doctors in the field have only later come to discover that not only are they members of the National Abortion Federation, but they also served as expert witnesses in the partial birth appeal in NY. Students in medical school are being brainwashed by abortionists who teach medical ethics under the guise of the Hippocratic Oath. What a sad world we live in.
A Mother’s Prayer
· I pray for the day that one can search the Participating Provider (PPO) section of their medical insurance plan and select an Obstetrician under either the Pro-choice or Pro-life category.
· I pray for the day that pre-natal testing is done for the purpose of saving lives rather than destroying lives and then later marveling at the wonders of medical technology to “find out in time.”
· I pray for the day that obstetricians present true options to a mother upon receiving an “incompatible with life” diagnosis. Don’t lead me down a scripted flowchart of “if this … then that … therefore terminate conclusion.” Humor me with “what-if” scenarios. I’ll be more than happy to select from option A, B or C and sign off on the appropriate disclaimer documentation that will keep you out of malpractice court.
· I pray for the day that the medical community realigns its efforts from “eliminating” the problem to “solving” the problem.
· I pray for the day that the medical community focuses on statistically measuring not how many lives were lost due to chromosomal abnormalities but rather on measuring how many lives can be saved from chromosomal abnormalities. (Is the glass half empty or is the glass half full?)
· I pray for the day that allowing an “incompatible with life” diagnosis to proceed through its natural course would be seen as an opportunity for study towards a solution. Analysis can’t be undertaken without subject material.
· I pray for the day that the disposition of a terminated fetus be given the dignity of a proper disposition and not be disposed of as part of “medical waste.”
· I pray for the day that obstetricians present the psychological risk factors of terminating a pregnancy. If I had known then that the grief of having killed my baby would outweigh the grief of a natural loss, I would like to think that I could have chosen differently. Given the current state of obstetrics, I don’t know if I could honestly say that.
UPDATE:
The following message appeared in the combox, and I thought it deserved to be placed in the body of the post:
Dear Dr. Nadal,
I am so sorry this mother had to go through the pain of aborting her baby with t-18 and that was the only choice offered her. I run a support group for families who receive an adverse diagnosis before or after birth. We offer life-affirming support, information and encouragement to families. I know the pressure and how hard it is firsthand because I have a son with full t-18 who is 6 1/2 yrs. old. He is a great blessing and joy to his family and all who know him. Please ask this mom to contact us. We offer support for moms who have aborted also and can connect them with others who understand and resources to help. Please visit http://www.prenatalpartnersforlife.org or call 763-772-3868 for more info. Thank you for promoting life!
Most Sincerely,
Mary Kellett
Director-Prenatal Partners for Life
UPDATE 2:
The author has written more in depth about her experience on Lumina’s website:
http://www.postabortionhelp.org/pre-natal/ppnWitnessC.html
Lumina a post abortion ministry of Good Counsel Homes, run by Theresa Bonopartis, has developed a specialized, “Entering Canaan” retreat for those who aborted due to an adverse diagnosis. They also have retreats for post-abortive mothers,which they co-developed with The Sisters of Life, and have expanded to do retreats with the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal for fathers, and siblings of aborted babies , which have become quite popular. The author made a Lumina Retreat and credits it for doing much good in her life. Check out Lumina at:
http://www.postabortionhelp.org/AboutLumina/AboutLumina.html
That is heartbreaking to read! I know doctors seem to want to push abortion as soon as the diagnosis is bad. My friends found out their baby has Downs Syndrome and the doctors really pushed abortion. Its sick! When did the medical profession become so corrupted?
My prayers are with you, Mother. The grief from losing a child by any means never goes away in this world, but one day we will be united with our little ones, and they will be whole. I too pray for the time when one will be able to choose a pro-life doctor (or that there will be no more “pro-choice” doctors).
Here is another family we can pray for… their baby boy is diagnosed with anencephaly and they are almost to term.
http://myemail.constantcontact.com/News-from-Cory-and-Jessie-Lyons.html?soid=1102654215415&aid=VlvDf-sIoEs
Dear Dr. Nadal,
I am so sorry this mother had to go through the pain of aborting her baby with t-18 and that was the only choice offered her. I run a support group for families who receive an adverse diagnosis before or after birth. We offer life-affirming support, information and encouragement to families. I know the pressure and how hard it is firsthand because I have a son with full t-18 who is 6 1/2 yrs. old. He is a great blessing and joy to his family and all who know him. Please ask this mom to contact us. We offer support for moms who have aborted also and can connect them with others who understand and resources to help. Please visit http://www.prenatalpartnersforlife.org or call 763-772-3868 for more info. Thank you for promoting life!
Most Sincerely,
Mary Kellett
Director-Prenatal Partners for Life
My prayers are with you as you begin a long arduous road of healing. Our culture does not make room for grief over a lost child. As a 61 year old post abortive woman I know where you heart is. Please know that your child is in the arms of the one who called him forward into being. We can be silent no more about the ravages of abortion.
Thank you Dr. Nadal.
I am appalled at the lack of desire to see every little baby as a miracle. Our world is cruel. Thank you for sharing. Praying for this dear sweet woman. God knows her sincere heart and has promised forgiveness. May she KNOW true peace and how even now her story is being use to glorify Him. He is a God of redemption, healing and restoration. She will see her child in heaven.
Also, praying for Corbett Cory and mama Jessie (above in Jessi’s comment.) May I share? Cowper’s hymn always comes to mind. “God Moves in Mysterious Ways.”
“The bud may have a bitter taste, But sweet will be the flower.”
~Love, a mama of a severely brain damaged BEAUTIFUL boy~
Another post abortive mom here shares her pain. I too had an abortion and never knew how badly it would affect the rest of my life. I was a self proclaimed albeit misguided feminist until I was broken in my heart and in my spirit from having an abortion. I am now staunchly pro life and have the most amazing daughter who just so happens to have Down syndrome and cystic fibrosis. My first child whom brought me to my prolife position will meet me in heaven. Thank you for sharing her story.
I miscarried a baby who had been diagnosed with a genetic anomaly, but I always felt that I had been violated by all the testing; by a “specialist” who wanted to abort so he could get some pictures; by a geneticist who turned my baby into a genetic diagram. I believe that the medical profession violated my baby’s right to privacy.
I asked them what their purpose was. So is there some surgery you can do? No. Is there some medication for me or my baby? No. Is there some kind of therapy at all? No. Was there ever any chance of any of the above or of doing anything at all to help my baby? No.
Then you have violated ***my*** privacy and the privacy of my baby.
At Lumina we get calls from people who aborted from an adverse diagnosis all the time. It is very sad because not only are they pressured by the medical community but often their pastors, through a false compassion, tell them aborting is acceptable.
When they thaw out from the shock of it all, not only do they have to deal with the loss of their child, but the sense of betrayal from two sources who they thought had their best interests at heart. The medical community and their pastors.
A few years ago we at Lumina began, with the CFR’s Entering Canaan retreat days for those who aborted due to a poor diagnosis. Our day for next year is not confirmed yet but we could definitely put this person in touch with others who had this experience.
A friend of mine said her daughter had a miscarriage at about 11 weeks. She caught the baby in her hand as it left her body. They went to the dr. and he refused to call it a baby even though fingers toes head and all other attributes of a baby were clearly evident. He insisted on calling it a “fetus” and just wanted to throw it in the garbage! My friend informed him that this was not garbage but her granddaughter and she was NOT going to allow him to throw her away like trash. He looked at her like she was insane.
Where is the care in care givers? Where is the concern for the well being of their patients?
When God is eliminated from man’s life man has no life.
I am a regional coordinator for Silent No More,www.silentnomoreawareness.org, in South Texas. One of my tasks is to reply to those men and women who have been harmed by an abortion experience and then direct them to healing. The Rachel’s Vineyard retreats were specifically developed for those who are in need of spiritual closure due to an abortion or a miscarriage.
http://www.rachelsvineyard.org
I am so excited to read from the other posts about other healing venues available. The Culture of Death is prevalent but God always has the last Word!!!
Ive had bad experiences twice with obgyns trying to discreetly suggest the option of abortion. The first was when I got pregnant my senior year of college and the doctor repeatedly asked me if I was sure I wanted the baby- I had to tell him yes several times! Now im pregnant with my third child- I found out I was pregnant right after I had MAJOR surgery, loads of medications and testing, including contrast injections, and xrays. Even though a pregnancy test was done before surgery, it was too early to show up. Well at my first prenatal visit, the doctor suggest I see a maternal and fetal medicine doctor to “discuss my options” and to decide if i wanted “do something about it”- when i asked what she meant, she awkwardly said termination. Again i had to tell the doctor SEVERAL TIMES during that visit i would never do that before it sunk into her mind. I also rejected the first trimester screen. Im now due in two months and according to an advanced ultrasound that was done everything is fine. Unfortunately most of these obgyns are a disgrace to the medical community. I dont get how they can deliver babies and also suggest the killing of them at the same time!
I have made the same awful decision in my youth but for much less “consoling” reasons. I have since had 5 very healthy children and mourn the loss of my first regularly.
It was the decision of my husband and me to not take any elective testing when I was pregnant with those 5. The knowledge would not have changed the outcome but only made us stressed when we should have been calm. Too much science can definitely be a bad thing.
I feel this woman’s pain very deeply, and am working with Dr Nadal and Mary Kellet on a book to help women faced with an adverse pre-natal diagnosis. Its called “A Special Mother is Born” and includes stories of men and women who against all odds, chose life for their disabled children. Now, despite their sacrifices, they count it all joy, as their special child enriches their family and the communities in which they live.
We are struggling to reach mothers in the midst of crisis who are being pressured to abort their child by the medical establishment.
We parents of special needs children need to let our children’s beautiful contributions shine so that when a mother is in crisis, she remembers them and takes courage to do the right thing.
I just want to say what a hero this mother is. And all of the mothers who have written to tell of their grief from terminating a pregnancy for a prenatal diagnosis. I am SO sorry for your loss. Our organization stand with you, telling the world that your child has dignity, and that your voices should be heard. So many find out their child has a disability when they are most vulnerable. All of us felt what you felt. Scared, unsure, and perhaps desperate. We understand. We have some who have terminated, and in honor of their child, want to stand with us to tell the world that ALL life is precious. We have others who have not terminated, but they were pressured to and resisted the pressure, and want to tell the world that ALL life is precious. We stand together, in honor of all of our children, telling the world, our children have value! If you want to join us, we would love to have you help us share this message. You can email us at idscforlife at gmail dot com!
It happens in Great Britain even more often (I believe). British doctors push abortion on women for the slightest thing…even a cleft palate..which we all know can be corrected by surgery. I read one woman’s story. She was told her baby’s hands were fused together, and that the baby would have “no quality of life”. Doctors pushed abortion as the “compassionate” thing to do, so she did. When the baby was…what do I say here? “removed” from her mother, lo and behold..there was NOTHING WRONG with her, her tiny hands were NOT fused together! They (the doctors) had killed a PERFECTLY HEALTHY baby! I’m not sure what age the baby had obtained, but I think I remember that she was near full term (7 1/2 -8 months). British doctors talk far too much about “quality of life” as a reason to abort. I don’t use “terminate a pregnancy”. A LEASE is “terminated”, a baby is KILLED (in an abortion).
I would think it would be illegal for anyone to pressure a woman to abort. If it’s not illegal pro-lifers should work to make it illegal. I didn’t find out until Daniel was 4 months that he had Downs’ but I was surrounded by compassionate people so although it was difficult initially, once I processed what his diagnosis really meant I was able to move on. So far he’s made it through leukemia, hyperthyroidism, Juvenile Dermatomytocitis, and neuropathy. He’s a walking miracle. As a single parent I still face days where I think it’s up to me to carry my concerns and that I have to have everything figured out. But I’m learning that when you have a child with a disability perfection is imperfection and just as life throws you difficulties that’s o.k. because everything happens for a reason. I have three children and have learned from all three. Daniel has taught me the value of quiet and persistent courage. He’s 20 goes to high school and still loves to go to school. His favorite statement is” Go to school tomorrow?” My prayer for him is that when he graduates that he will be able to attend an extended school where his learning will continue and he will not be relegated to a place where he doesn’t have enough intelluctual stimulation. My life statement is if God wanted wanted me to know everything today he wouldn’t have bothered making a tomorrow.
What a great post and great responses. I too have made the “choice” to abort because of poor prenatal diagnosis. It was very late- 36 weeks. We had to travel out of state and it was horrid. We were pressured by the doctors too, and unfortunately we had the “blessing” of our pastor. For us, it was sort of surreal because most people were aware of what we did since I was so far along. Many people – too many- told us they supported us and until this day I sometimes have to argue as to why that is the biggest regret of my life. I have a friend who insists I did the right thing. Our precious daughter was not expected to live long and if she did there were many surgeries and suffering in store for her. One of the only arguments that seem to give people pause is that I ask: What if your son/daughter that is here and perfectly healthy suddenly becomes very ill or is in some sort of accident that leaves him/her severely brain damaged? Is it ok to kill this child as an act of mercy?
It has been 15 years and the pain and guilt never go away.
D, so sorry for you too. May God grant you healing.
Just thought I’d say that Corbett Josiah was born last night, and God has allowed him some time with his mommy and daddy and he even got to meet his aunt and uncle over Skype this morning. Like all of us, there is no knowing how much time Corbett Josiah has, but he has at least had some time for precious memories with his family. Still praying.
I continue to be overwhelmed by the comments of the women who have dealt directly with a face of the Culture Of Death I was not aware of. Sadly, that face was the face of a Dr, who took an oath to heal.
Years after my “free choice” abortion when I realized I was in desparate need of healing, I was afraid to uproot the “weeds” of my guilt and shame. I was afraid of the space in my heart that would be left and somehow I thought it would betray the memory of my baby. Grace sometimes cuts first before it heals. That open wound in my heart would become fertile ground for Jesus to sow the seeds of reconciliation and healing. My wounds would become His wounds and they would become glorious. My tears of regret would become balm to another’s painful heart who needed to hear from me that it would be ok. Many of the women who have commented on this site will no doubt be asked by God to show their wouinds to others. Not for sympathy but to witness to the new life found after a death. After Jesus rose from the dead he rose with His wounds intact. Our wounds will be totally healed when our babies touch them in heaven. Blessings to you all.
Baby Corbett has gone to be with Jesus. We are thankful to have met him. Please continue to pray for Cory and Jessie and the whole family.
(From his aunt on Twitter)
Many many courageous women have written here.
What a shame that many doctors no longer help mothers do what they instinctively know to do – nurture their babies and birth them!
When I was younger and having my family I knew a woman who was pregnant with twins. She was told by her doctor that she HAD to have amniocentesis done if she wished to remain a patient with him! When I pointed out to her that the possibility of miscarrying was higher than having a defect she still decided for the procedure. She was 35 years old and this was in 1992.
Of course she had two healthy baby girls!
This mindset has been around a long, long time and it isn’t going away any time soon.
I think many women have no idea that a podiatrist, cardiologist, pathologist, etc can moonlight as an abortionist, you know, to earn a little extra cashola. I’ve actually called Planned Parenthood to ask why they do not tell women this and the response was that most women don’t care if the doctor is a GYN or not. I told the worker quite the contrary! I had a first trimester abortion in the early 90′s and remember being herded through, along with many other women, & they had all of us lie on mats on the floor. The “doctor” never gave me his credentials & after that, I struggled with miscarriages & infertility. I have been blessed with one child. I think for many years I numbed the pain, until the grandfather of my baby passed away & I was faced with reading his obit. His survivors were listed along with the names of his grandchildren. Had the worker at Planned Parenthood spoke to me about PAS & the potential to cause problems for future pregnancies, I think I would have made a different decision. She told me if I am not happy about the pregnancy then how could I be a good mom? That is about all of the counseling I recieved. I do not support the judgement of women for the choices they have made or will make. No one has any idea what that young woman has gone through or will go through. I just don’t think these “women’s rights” groups are telling the full story. Many of them deny that a maternal instinct even exists.
Unless I missed it in Dr Nadal’s links, http://www.omsoul.com has a list of doctors one could trust with prenatal diagnosis. Even if there is only a cardiologist on the list from your area, call them and ask for help working through the ethical issues if you need to; and tell them you saw their name on One More Soul.
I co-founded a local service which provides comprehensive support to parents carrying to term following a prenatal diagnosis. Medical research indicates that comprehensive local support is the one means by which parents who might abort at the time of a diagnosis will instead choose life. In our third years of operation, most of our referrals now come from the medical community because they have come to respect the commitment of care we bring to this work (including our presence at the births of our babies), as well as its impact on the families we serve.
If you want to encourage parents to carry to term following a prenatal diagnosis, please note that we are replicating our service by way of sistering other services in other parts of the country. We are happy to share information regarding our model of care and have materials and offer trainings to help others learn how to best impact abortion rates around prenatal diagnosis. IN FACT, we are hosting a free national conference on the issue of local service development in October of the year in Charlotte, NC.
For information about our service visit http://www.benotafraid.net/nc and for info about the conference, email benotafraidnc@live.com.