Yesterday, LifeSite News published a statement by Father Tom Euteneuer, the former head of Human Life International, explaining the circumstances surrounding his departure last summer. The link to the statement also includes updates and a memo from Father Euteneuer’s bishop.
In his statement, Father Euteneuer answered the many wild speculations and allegations ricocheting around the pro-life and Catholic blogospheres. The statement says that it has received the approval of Father Euteneuer’s bishop, and I am sure that LifeSite has done their due diligence in authenticating that claim. Therefore, I proceed under the assumption that the statement has received ecclesiastical approval and is accurate.
According to the statement, Father Euteneuer admits to an inappropriate relationship with an adult woman under his care; one that did not involve, “the sexual act,” as Father stated it. So we are led to believe that something emotional and/or physical leading up to but not including intercourse occurred.
In other words, we’re not dealing with the criminal assault and rape of a child. Praise God.
What we are dealing with is something that has become a frightening occasion of sin for many self-righteous pro-lifers and Catholics. There is a blog, whose name and link I shall not publish, where a woman is alleging that Father’s statement is a lie, that there is more to the story. She has been making these allegations, sniping from the shadows by not giving specifics, but rather the most vague generalities.
To such people I say, put up or shut up. Make your claim public. Hire an attorney and take him to court. Otherwise, the blog simply fuels the fires that are consuming people’s souls.
It is understandable that people would feel a certain sense of betrayal when a priest of Father Euteneuer’s stature should sin as he has. Mixed in with that betrayal is an understandable and natural anxiety as pro-lifers watch a General Patton go down in the line of fire. Father Euteneuer was a blood and guts warrior, and that’s part of the problem.
For too many, he was larger than life: Priest. Exorcist. Head of HLI.
A pro-life superhuman.
But as Hebrews 5:1 tells us, priests are chosen from among men, not angels. Father Euteneuer proved to be as human and fallible as the rest of us, and so the question is, “Now what?”
Since the sex scandals broke in 2003, the pendulum has swung to the other extreme. We regard all sex among priests as being the same, when clearly it is not. Priests having sex with adults is simply not the same as sex with children. They are different in every way, and need to be treated as such. But the howling mob calls for Father Euteneuer’s head. It’s always that way with the sin we would never commit.
To my fellow Catholics I say, “Drop the stones”. The men who sit in the confessional, who hear and absolve our sin which separates us from God, who stand at the altar and offer the Sacrifice of the Mass for our sins do so having dedicated their lives to us and to God. Are we so callous and self-righteous that we would deny Father Euteneuer the same charitable restoration that he has given to others countless times in his 22 years of priestly ministry? Is this how we respond to the humanity of the men who bind our wounds, restore our hope, and renew our lives?
One day, when I was a seminarian, Father Groseschel told us that the sins against sex are without a doubt the most humiliating, but the sins against charity are the most damning.
I don’t know the details of Father Euteneuer’s sins, and quite frankly, I don’t think they should be fodder for public consumption. I also don’t think that adult sex is reason for throwing away a whole life of priestly ministry, unless we’re willing to say the same for every marriage where couples have practiced contraception, abortion, indulged pornography, adultery, masturbation, wife-beating, etc.
Are these not grave sins against the sacrament of marriage? Are we not restored in confession (under the seal, I might add), nourished back to spiritual health by the Eucharist thanks to our priests? Yet Father Euteneuer has been dragged through the mud, and for what? A sin no worse than gets confessed with tragic frequency every day by the laity.
Jesus warns us that we will be judged by the same standard that we judge others. In Brooklyn, we call that a clue.
Father Euteneuer has my sincerest prayers for his emotional and spiritual healing, as well as his full restoration to priestly ministry. And as for the self-righteous mob, if the words of Father Groeschel and Jesus fail to move you, then perhaps you are not what you think you are.
Perhaps you never were.
Updates:
1. See Part II (Further Reflections) here.
2. We’re having a Novena of Divine Mercy for Fr. E and all those affected by his actions. See details here.
That sounds great and all, now imagine that it was your wife he had sinned with. Changes things.
No it doesn’t, Andrew.
Rarely in adultery is one spouse entirely innocent. By the time one spouse acts out, it is because an awful lot of decay has set into the moorings that anchor fidelity. That decay is the result of some bad dynamics on both spouses’ parts. Having seen many marriages not only survive adultery, but grow stronger than ever through counseling and the sacraments, I could only call for the priest’s ouster if I were willing to kick my wife to the curb.
Not really, Andrew. It just makes the pain more personal. We’re all human, prone to sin. We are all in need of repentance and forgiveness. Priests too.
I’m not Catholic, but I’ve seen firsthand the pain that sin in church leadership causes. It is worse for all of us–more devastating–when we refuse to see our spiritual leaders as human beings. We feel all the more betrayed, more wounded by their transgressions even when the sin has not directly affected us.
Whose fault is that? Theirs for sinning against God, or ours as well for viewing them as perfect and beyond temptation?
I think there is no doubt that many “traditional” Catholics have been very quick off the mark on this situation, although many of the blog comments I have read have been very very charitable and supportive of Father E.
I think personally I feel disappointed in the entire situation.
It’s very unfortunate for Father Euteneuer and his prolife ministry.
I wish him healing and forgiveness.
Doc, I’ve edited your comment because I will not be a conduit for unsubstantiated allegations. The nature of what you have shared in no way attenuates the message in my post.
God Bless,
Gerry Nadal
It does make a difference though. Can any man imagine himself saying the things you write in your post if his wife had been sinned against?
Whether or not the marriage was a model one does not change the gravity of the offense, which you seem to infer.
As a person with personal experience in the matter of adultery I can tell you that it is quite possible for one spouse to be ENTIRELY innocent. There are many men and women who are cheated on by their spouses, who have done everything in their power to work on their marriages but whose spouse simply act out because of other very serious personality disorders or problems – narcissism being a big one.
Adultery is a choice as are many other sins. The person considering adultery usually does not suddenly decide to commit adultery. It is the result of making a choice to make the marriage not mutually exclusive and it often begins in the mind, as Christ indicated.
The man or woman makes the choice to stop placing their relationship with their spouse first and foremost.
And then there are simply those people who never had the intention of fidelity to begin with.
Andrew,
By your standard, every grave offense would result in laicization of a priest and dissolution of a marriage.
And still, we would have far more priests than we would marriages. It’s easy to play the subjective rage game, but that isn’t the basis for the sacraments. Quite the opposite, actually.
We all fall, otherwise we don’t need Jesus. Gerard said it: he’s not a homosexual pedophile; he’s a fallen man. How many people are fallen behind closed doors. Judge not! Amen Mary Catherine, I’m with you! God bless Fr. Tom.
Many of us know that there were/are Bishops and priests covering up and practicing sodomy, etc. but they weren’t removed and yet Fr. E who was doing so much good had to be removed and his books pulled?
Dolorosa
The Catholic church has finally instituted a strict protocol for cases such as this.
So we see the results of this in Father E’s situation.
When the abuse cases were brought forward in Boston, at that time I read a good article in the Wanderer in which it was stated that the Catholic church was warned that this was a potential problem. The priest or psychiatrist (I don’t remember which) who warned the church officials in the early 1950’s felt that the priests involved in such situations could not be cured and therefore must be removed permanently from ministry. Church officials ignored his advice and the situation became what we ow know.
I don’t believe that Father E’s situation is the same. I think he fell for various reasons. He does deserve forgiveness and charity. He’s a human being and not perfect.
I doubt though that he will ever be entrusted with a specific ministry outside of his priestly duties again.
@Mary Catherine – Amen! I have known people in those situations and it is an outrage to suggest they are at fault.
What a shame that the Catholic Charismatic Renewal became ” sidelined” by the Roman Catholic hierarchy. I remember Fr. Groeschel very well when I was thinking about entering the Capuchin formation system circa 1972. Fr. Groeschel took me to the Passionist Monastery in Jamaica, Queens and interviewed me about a vocation to the Capuchin Order. I wish Fr. Groeschel would have continued stressing the importance of the Baptism of the Holy Spirit to the RC community of priests, bishops and religious. Due to pride many priests did not want associate with so called “Catholic Pentecostals”. Instead of seeking the deeper unction of the Holy Spirit per Acts chapter 2, many priests resorted to pop psychology and various “do itself’ humanistic schools of thought. I still have the book that Fr. Groeschel gave me, “Unless the Lord Builds the House” written by Ralph Martin. It troubles me that the RC Church is in such bad shape due to not taking the Bible seriously enough.
So Andrew, what is your solution? Automatic divorce and annulment? Excommunication? What would you do to your wife?
At least the Wanderer had the courage to tell the truth before all havoc broke out up in Boston. I am not a traditional Roman Catholic. I have an affinity for the Pentecostal movement. For years, I would pick up a copy of the Wanderer and was just startled when reading about bizarre stories of RC seminaries allowing all matters of abominations and dioceses tolerating Dignity liturgies for practicing homosexuals that claim to be Roman Catholic.
Gerry, I respect you a great deal, but I have to say that the one thing that really, really bothers me about this situation doesn’t come from speculation or wild rumors, but from Father’s statement itself.
He says that the violation of chastity occurred in the context of his exorcism ministry and that the woman in question was under his spiritual care. Previously in the same statement he referred to the people to whom he was ministering as suffering from “great spiritual distress.”
To me, this situation is similar to that of a psychologist or therapist engaging in a violation of chastity with a patient. The “relationship” is an unequal one, and the person is at least potentially in a submissive and trusting frame of mind toward the therapist or counselor.
To compare the situation simply to adultery misses that point. Father himself is saying that the violations of chastity occurred in the context of his ministry, and I think that is what has some people–true, not all of them–deeply and quite legitimately concerned.
Erin,
I agree with all that you have said. In adultery, the violation occurs within the person’s sacramental vocation and ministry of matrimony. Families are brutally savaged in these circumstances, yet couples with humble and sincere hearts are routinely restored through counseling and sacramental ministry.
My great concern is that we have a double-standard of charity and loving forbearance emerging here between the laity and the priests.
Father Euteneuer can be restored in time, though perhaps pastoral prudence would dictate that it not be to the ministry of exorcism, or a high profile position such as HLI, which may have inculcated a pride and precipitated the stress that led to this tragic situation.
Ya know…..I would love to be a fly on the wall in each & every one of your confessinal boxes; I wonder how many of the finger-pointers here & everywhere else, have harmed another in some way, indellibly. Fr Tom had a moment of weakness or two; but, his sins DO NOT DEFINE WHO HE IS. He is a Priest, a human Priest…. look at the fruits which have come from his work! He has just published the play-book on demonology, do you not think that all Hell is not on him or anyone with a fine-toothed comb looking for that chink in his armor? DO NOT join satan & his minions in stoning him! As true Catholics let us pick him up, brush him off, put our arms around him & let him know we still “got his back”….as anyone of us would want for ourselves when we fall. He is still a Priest in the line of Melchesidek.
I rather agree with you Erin and perhaps it is the details of the circumstances that Father E’s statement mentions that are so distressing.
I think there is a difference with the situation of adultery.
The couple are on equal footing in the marriage.
However, a priest coming in to do an exorcism is in position that is quite different to either spouse in a marriage. He is in a position of authority, and trust that is very much like a patient-doctor relationship.
It is also particularly troubling to me that this abuse has occurred within the ministry of exorcism.
I think we need to recognize that priests are human but they also need to be held to a high standard of conduct. They are in position of authority and represent Christ.
Been There,
I agree.
As a further thought, who are the most beloved, the most cheered for people each year at the March for Life? It’s the women who aborted their own babies. The abortionists who repented. The Abby Johnsons.
We hold these people up as great heroes. Some of them, such as Dr. Bernard Nathanson killed as many as 75,000 human beings.
Would that pro-lifers embraced their beloved pastor and leader in his fallen shame and pray him back to the fullness of health.
You are right on the mark here, Gerry. I’m 100% in agreement with you. Thank you for this excellent post.
“Ya know…..I would love to be a fly on the wall in each & every one of your confessinal boxes; I wonder how many of the finger-pointers here & everywhere else, have harmed another in some way, indellibly.”
NO! You would not!
And yes, that is something that many of us must confront on a daily basis – our sins of omission and commission.
Dr. Nadal if you wish to delete the link or feel it is not appropriate I understand.
It would be a shame if HLI were brought down because of this situation.
{Edited. MC, I will not be a conduit for further unspecified allegations. GN}
HLI merely issued a statement in response Dr. Nadal.
They commented on a situation already in the press but gave no details.
{… which is sinful, to allege further allegations and then say that it’s not their place to say what those allegations concern. GN}
It’s also ringing the bell (you can’t un-ring a bell). In a courtroom the equivalent would be asking a provocative question which is immediately stricken from the record by the presiding judge. The goal–putting the thought in the jury’s mind–has been accomplished.
So, the point is, why bring up what others have been saying of Father Euteneuer’s situation? To cement details–with no way of knowing their validity– in people’s minds?
To my mind, the whole sorry situation is yet another example of how satan preys upon those doing God’s work; his goal is to damage the faith and halt the acts of faith of as many people as possible. What better way than to encourage a priest to stumble.
they merely noted the allegations and forwarded them to the proper people
I see nothing sinful in that.
I am a Catholic priest but not of Roman origin although I was raised Roman Catholic. I am not here to promote the married priesthood although I am a married priest. I am here to totally agree with Dr. Nadal’s article and comments on this topic.
Yes, priests, therapist and psychiatrists have an obligation to fulfill but we are also human beings. Even in our daily lives when we are helping friends who are going through a difficult time, we place ourselves in the shoes of others and we also admire their efforts at the same time as having compassion for theit situations. We share love with these people but not an emotional, intimate love. However, sometimes there is an attraction and we do our best to refrain from following through on this attraction. Normally it is easy to do but when the attraction is reciprocated is when this is made difficult. We should remove ourselves from that temptation immediately and get another professional to take on the situation. We would like to think that we can handle it and stay strong but we also have to realize that the temptation may also prove to be too great.
I am sorry to hear that Fr. Tom is being persecuted in this manner. His books should not be removed. For his one failing, I am sure he has done so much more that is positive. He may have resisted so many temptations during his ministry but if a man fails once, we would condemn him? And, his failure was not consummated in a sexual act. It was a temptation.
Pray that the bloggers, the news reporters, the nosy neighbors and the haters do not set their sights on you. Perhaps they will find the one thing that you did that will take you down. Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
But most of all, “Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”
There are people out there who will latch on to this and persecute him because he does believe in God and is not only a Christian but a Catholic Christian. We need to hold on to our faith that Jesus will reward us for our suffering in this life. We pray in Jesus’ Name.
When the Lord forgave the sins of the woman caught in adultery, He didn’t wag his finger saying, “How dare you!” Instead He told her He didn’t condemn her, but to avoid the sin from then on. You will never offend God’s justice when showing mercy in the presence of repentance and contrition.
I was ordained later in life. I have seen a lot and I am eternally grateful for God’s mercy priests showed to me.
All priests, religious and laity must remember the words of the Lord, “The measure you give will be the measure you receive.” Luke 6:38
“Forgive us our trespasses AS we forgive those who trespass against us.”
Those two verses are of great concern to me whenever I enter the confessional as either penitent or priest.
RT
“To my mind, the whole sorry situation is yet another example of how satan preys upon those doing God’s work; his goal is to damage the faith and halt the acts of faith of as many people as possible. What better way than to encourage a priest to stumble.”
Yes to damage irreparably HLI’s reputation. It has done a great deal of work over the years.
Having people stop donating would be a disaster.
I think it ‘s important for people to separate the situation with Father Tom from HLI.
HLI is innocent in what happened. (at least based on what I’ve read)
To be a faithful Catholic means many things. While we are “by the book,” we must remember that we are also called to empathy, fairness, and forgivness. Fr. Euteneuer, by all accounts, has worked on the front lines of Catholicism by publically fighting unpopular, though required tenets of our faith. He has steadfastly championed the Church’s teachings on artifical contraception, abortion, divorce, and supporting politicans who would disregard their faith for party. He has consistently stood with St. Michael at the entrance to evil, looked it straight in the face, and taught the rest of us how it is done. He has re-taught us what it means to be Catholic and presented the plan to keep it that way. Yet, he was not perfect-and neither are any of us. If he can confess his sins, attone for them, and pick up the fight once more, isn’t that exactly what St. Paul did-WITH MUCH MORE TO CONFESS? My prayers are with and for Fr. Tom. But they are also with those “faithful Catholics” who chose to jump on a band wagon crafted out of hatred and artificial wheels. This should be a lesson for all of us. We are all sinners, and God willing, we will all be saved. Get back to work, Fr. Tom! God knows we need you JUST AS MUCH as those to whom you have administered your help.
In the book and the film “The Rite”, during the rite of exorcism, the demon in the afflicted woman attempts to seduce the young deacon. According to various accounts from exorcists, this is a common phenomenon. In fact, sexual temptation was part of the experience of the saints, including Padre Pio who reportedly saw seductive women in his room.
When priests are involved in battle with Satan, as all are to some extent, he fights unfairly, hitting them in their areas of vulnerability. The more prominent the priest, the more good he does for the Church, the bigger target he makes for the enemy,who got out the big guns for Fr Tom.
May God restore him to a state of grace and a fruitful ministry.
The importance of prayer for our priests, especially the exorcists, who are all too few, must be redoubled by the tragic case of Fr Tom.
[…] […]
@ Mary Catherine…..I find your elevating Preists’ culpability for human failings above the rest of us out here, shall we say, at best is poorly thought out.
Amen, Tina. We should also take into consideration that we DONOT know the details of his indiscretions, however, we do know that they were not of the sexual nature AND according to HLI’s response, it seems that it may have been something that he said and shouldn’t have… either way. Just like Mel Gibson, who gave his money and his life to make the Passion of Christ which, by God’s Grace, was the reason for the conversion of many souls, the devil has taken his revenge on him. Fr. E is no different. He is being attacked and he needs our prayers. He needs a commitment from the soldiers of God, to commit to unending prayer for his protection and the protection of all those who are not comfortably sitting on their lazy boys pointing their fingers, but who go out into the trenches and fight the good fight. Some get shot, some fall to cowardly deeds, but we are all fighting in HIS HOLY NAME and our efforts will not go unnoticed by the ONE who matters. THAT is all that counts in this situation… God bless Fr. E and all his challenges.
been there,
I am not “elevating their cupability”. I was raised to expect more of priests because of the nature of their special ministry within the church.
Perhaps my parish priest is also wrong – this is how he perceives his ministry – that he must be deeply prayerful and at all times aware of the many failings he has because his sins are capable of causing greater public scandal and therefore can place the faith of his flock at risk.
It may be that I am wrong but this is what I have been taught all my life.
I guess I can say it again, although it seems to make little difference: I pray for Fr. Tom’s healing.
[…] « Father Thomas Euteneuer and the Self-Righteous Mob Novena for Father Euteneuer and Those Affected by His Indiscretions […]
Keep in mind that, prior to reading these posts, I never heard of this priest, nor HLI. So my response has no emotional involvement to either.
I am actually going to agree with Mary Catherine, not once, but twice!
Yes, it is entirely possible for adultery in marriage to be the sole fault of either spouse. All it takes is for one of them to err on the side of selfishness.
The second point which I agree upon with Mary Catherine is having been raised with an especial respect towards priests because of their ministry. While priests are indeed human, the effects of their actions are further ranging than that of an adulterous spouse/parent. Gerard, you might be a priest in a sense of your duties to your wife and children, but, for spiritual guidance, the Catholic community is more apt to look towards its clergy than a lay person (although you appear to be very faithful and knowledgable). If you were ever to be unfaithful, your family and friends would be shocked and devastated, and likely feel the effects long-term. But your actions would reflect less in the greater Catholic community than those of a fallen priest. I think that is something to consider.
With the priesthood comes authority that neither you nor I have. A great deal of image and faith rides on that authority, much more than it does you or me. So, in that sense, I think it’s fair to expect better of clergy than you would expect of your average layperson. That being said, I’m not for stoning this priest, nor making him wear a scarlett letter, nor even removing him from the priesthood but perhaps he should be moved into a different, less visible position.
Moral faliure..I S ….forgiveable…read the book. Scripture addresses the way to deal with this. Take a look at ST paul, and the way he dealt with sexual sin in the Corinthian church. when they , the person or persons involved are repentant, truly, then they are to be retsored back in. so since when do we have the right to do any other thing????
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 Jn 1:9)
“Forgive our sins as we forgives those who sins against us”. When we sinned, we believe and rely on His faithfulness to us, and most of all, His Love, and ask forgiveness for our weaknesses. But why we have a hard judgement for Fr. Euteneuer?
I believe God is sad in this case, not angry. And for sure, He will continue to love Fr. Euteneuer. Everyone, Fr. Euteneuer’s hands are hands which touch our God everyday, offer sacrifice for us, bless us and bring us closer to God after our falls. Have mercy on Him! I think all of us should PRAY for him instead of judge him.
What about all the good works he has done for us?
Fr, I will pray for you. You have all my supports.
In this is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment, that as He is, so also we are in this world.
God is love! Amen!
I just heard about all this. I bought Fr’s book on Exorcism last year. I have a few problems with it. I have been an exorcist for over 11years. I think he was a little short on experience, and especially – I suspect – a little too sure of himself. I was in a situation once where I was trying to help a very spiritually disturbed woman (this is going back nearly eight years). I suspected she was trying to use her femininity to avoid facing up to some issues or trying to manipulate me, but I just ignored it. However, at that time I often saw troubled women alone, and I realise this was a great mistake. My housekeeper took me aside and said, “Father, you should not see that woman alone”. This startled me because even from a distance she had seen more than I had. Since then I NEVER pray with women unless there is another woman present. Evil spirits are very clever and when we are dealing with powerful ones we need to remember we are dealing with “angelic” (though evil) intelligence. To assume we can always be safe is to fall into a kind of arrogance that leads to an inevitable fall. I read once a pamphlet by another exorcist who warned about the dangers we are in – and then, almost incredibly (but not quite!) he fell from grace in a devastating way and has now been excommunicated. Humility and common sense are essential for this ministry.
Having said all that, I pray for Fr. and I hope he returns a wiser and humber priest (and I hope that all of us priests will increase in humility and love)
Fr. John Abberton
Thank you so much Fr. Abberton.
In my own opinion and based on my own actions, I believe that us women are either the rise or the fall of this human race and until we stop allowing the devil to use us as a tool for evil, this nightmare will never end.
Very well said, Fr. Abberton!
The implications of this not only as far as the adultery goes but as a sign of Christ the spiritual damage to so many is so sad.
Praying for Father and for the woman/women and all whom this has touched.
Andrew, and Been There
You are assuming he had sex with a married woman. We don’t know the situation. We don’t know what it was at all. Stop condemning the man. Start PRAYING for him, and all those affected, including the thousands of tiny preborn children who just lost a great giant in the fight for their life.
Remember he is a priest. He is human- not an angel as scripture tells us. We are not to assume these men are super human and above temptation and sinning. I believe the important factor here for everyone, including his own soul, is that he is contrite, admits he was wrong, isn’t making excuses for himself, and most important, unlike some priests, he is turning away from his sin. What more would you have him do???
If all is as he says, than despite what the bloggers who offer no proof, only venom and condemnation, then I have a tremendous amount of respect for Fr for being able to repent and turn from the sin. He probably needs time away from ministry right now, but I pray he heals and will be welcomed back with opened arms.
Thank you for starting this discussion Gerald. There are many lessons here for all of us, plus an opportunity to put our ‘love’ in action towards not only Fr. Tom, but also, the woman victim, HLI and each other. Sin is not a mere private matter (although the details need not be shared)- each instance is a ripple in the fabric of the world that effects all of us. When we sin, confess it, seek redemption and do all we can to ‘fix’ it- that is powerful and a witness to other sinners (all of us), but it does not undo the ‘ripple’ that continues to echo throughout the world. I will continue to pray ferociously for all of us & myself to show the kind of love to each other that is healing and illuminating. I think abuses of power by our priests awakens horrors in the minds of many of us, and it inspires more ‘pitchfork’ primal feelings than other people’s sins might. It may be hard to remember they remain men.
I have been praying for Fr. Eutenueur ever since I heard of his leaving his ministries and returning to his diocese. I do believe that the culpability of a priest is higher because he is a spiritual father, and ordained to serve. But I also believe that also leads a priest to be a target. We need to respond just as Christ did. Yes, he has sinned and deserves just punishment, so let the one among us free from sin cast the first stone.
We also need to remember that this is not just a case of a minister and a vulnerable woman, alone in a room. Remember, there was another presence. I think Fr. Abberton’s comments were perfect in that regard.
As for the subject of marital infidelity and whether or not it is sometimes solely the sin of one member of a marriage…
I can tell you that 14 years ago, I was on the heartbroken end of just such a situation. Oh, How I bled my heart to the Lord. How could this happen to me? I am such a loving, devoted, faithful wife. “woe is me”, etc.
God was both judgement and mercy.
Within days of my heartbreak, I was kneeling before the crucifix in my parish. As I prayed with these self righteous thoughts in my heart, the Holy Spirit revealed to me my own sinfullness. My sins may not have been directed towards my husband, but they were sins…. sins against God. As I looked up, I felt it all. God flooded me with the truth that I had sinned against God just as much as my husband had. Yet, the only sin I cared about was the one that hurt me, personally.
One of my sins was that I had placed my husband so much at the center of all of my affections, attentions…. and dare I say…. adorations, I had forgotten he was a man, and had all but replaced God with how highly I regarded him. The other grave sin, was the sterilization we had allowed in our marriage.
I needed to be woken up to my own sins and to what I thought was “perfect”. I am happy to say that through the help of our beloved pastor, the holy eucharist, and realizing my own sins contributed to the infidelity which hurt me so, our marriage was repaired and restored.
Our marriage is so much better then that artificial “perfection” I thought it was prior to that time. And we are blessed with 5 more children and 26 years of faith, hope, and love.
Sorry I went off topic. I share only to remind that none of us is ever as innocent as we think we are. Sin affects others, even if it does not “seem” to be the same kind of sin as was done against us. None of us can “cast that first stone.”
We will never make a situation better by revealing the other person’s faults and failures. We can only fight evil with holiness… and love.
We don’t have to guess what Jesus would say. He already said it; “Your sins are forgiven you. Now go, and sin no more”.
Woe to any of us who thinks that is not enough.
Thank you Fr. Abberton. Evil is in the world in different forms. Everyone has to take certain actions to save themselves such as the doctor having a nurse in the room when he examines a female patient. I knew a priest who did exorcisms and his bishop requested him to stop because of the danger of evil coming into the priest. My Native american ancestors had a name for the devil before Christianity came to them. What happened to Fr. has more to do with evil possession than the superficial symptoms being discussed here.
Ya know, I don’t really see what all the hub bub is about. A priest found himself attracted to a woman who is “in his pastoral care”. Prior to commiting trhe act that woudl be the true sin he broke off contact and removed himself from the situation. SOunds rather noble and heroic to me. Yeah, I’m good. I dopn’t Fr. needs MY forgivness but he has it if he wants it.
Father Euteneuer is only human. Let’s not allow one weak moment to disparage all the great good and service he has rendered for years.
I know some of you have said that a Priest is thought to be more respected because that was how you were raised. I have to ask how you view a married man then because they’re a priest of their family. Adultery can lead to a divorce and a divorce will adversely affect society as a whole just as much as the fall of a Priest.
I have dealt with adultery, however it wasn’t my husband. He didn’t do anything wrong. I did. And it wasn’t something that was built up. It was sudden thing, lasted a month and I snapped back to my senses. I was very forthcoming and by the grace of God, my husband didn’t leave. Confused and hurt, heck yeah, but he forgave me. It was then that I saw I was trying to hurt my husband for an abortion we experienced a few years prior. It was, and has always been, through Christ that saved our marriage and continues to work on us.
But the evil one will tempt people with their weakest points. I am blown away about this situation with Fr. Tom and I will join everyone in the Divine Mercy novena for him. He needs our prayers. He needs our protection. We are an Army and we need to start fighting FOR one another like one and stop this childish wagging of the fingers. Satan is over in the corner cackling his head off, pointing at us, laughing about all of this.
Excellent post Dr. Nadal. This is a great opportunity for people to brush up on or learn for the first time what true Christian forgiveness is all about.
Thank you Linda for your perspective. And I am certainly thrilled that your marriage was saved!
It is true that some people are responsible for their spouses infidelity. But not all.
I can speak with absolute certainty that at least one person I know had a great deal of spiritual guidance during a marriage that reeked of infidelity, including regular confession every 2 weeks and a very strong prayer life. The person I know was quite open and aware of her own sinfulness and spent many years believing in fact that she was the problem. She was most definitely NOT the cause of her husbands serial infidelity and immature behavior. And he ended the marriage not her.
Thank you Fr. Abberton for your insightful comment.
I agree with Dan.
I confessed worse today.
This may be embarrassing for Fr. E, but mostly it is blown out of proportion.
May God bless him and keep him and may he continue to be fruitful in his labor.
Thank you for writing this thoughtful column. In addition to charity, prudence and discernment are greatly lacking these days. What Fr. Tom did is wrong–there is no excuse–and I suspect he would say the same.
But it is forgivable, and he indicated in his statement that he has sought that forgiveness through the proper sacrament. Who are we to hold him to this failing if God has forgiven him?
For that matter, how many of us have committed far worse sins?
I join your prayer for his healing and return to ministry.