Wrongful Birth.
It is a legal term rooted in deep narcissism and dressed in the clothing of contract law. Translated, it means some parent didn’t get what they hoped for, or paid for when their child was born. Somebody screwed up and the wrong product was delivered. It’s a form of business and/or medical malpractice.
Wrongful Birth.
The very words reveal the ugly side of human nature, the neurotic side of the human psyche where human fear meets with human failure, and growth becomes a forced issue, and someone has to pay a price for it.
Consider the white lesbian couple in Ohio who ordered sperm from a sperm bank, expecting sperm from a donor with a certain genetic (Caucasian) and personal profile. What they were sent was sperm from a black man, and what resulted was a mixed race baby. Read the story here.
It’s a truly tragic story, and heartbreaking that a child should be born into such poverty of spirit, especially to a lesbian mother who should have learned a thing or two about oppression and survival. Consider the following quotes from the story in Mail Online.
Jennifer Cramblett, 36, claims the mistake has caused her stress and anguish because her family is racist and she lives in a small, all-white Uniontown in northeast Ohio…
Ms Cramblett [sic] she has ‘limited cultural competency relative to African-Americans’ and worries that her daughter Payton will not be accepted in her hometown of Uniontown.
‘Jennifer lives each day with fears, anxieties and uncertainty about her future and Payton’s future,’ according to the lawsuit.
Is it understandable that a woman coming from a family she labels “racist” would also claim to have “limited cultural competency” to raise a mixed race child?
No, it isn’t.
In labeling her family as racist, Ms. Cramblett identifies herself as somehow above it all. That is the necessary precondition for self-education in gaining cultural competence in the raising of her mixed race child. But that, too, begs the question. Why does this child need to be singled out as something other? How, exactly, should she be raised compared to potential future siblings who are white? Is that not itself racist? And then there is the matter of living, “each day with fears, anxieties and uncertainty about her future and Payton’s future.”
Do these lesbians see the world so categorically that they actually think that living, “each day with fears, anxieties and uncertainty about her future and Payton’s future,” is not something every single parent on the planet experiences?
There’s more:
Even simple tasks have become more complicated because Payton is mixed-race, the lawsuit says.
‘Payton has hair typical of an African American girl. To get a decent cut, Jennifer must travel to a black neighborhood, far from where she lives, where she is obviously different in appearance, and not overtly welcome,’ according to the lawsuit.
Again, note the objectification of blacks by this mother. What does it take beyond a universal smile and common courtesy for people of different ethnicities to develop warm and cordial relationships? So what is this woman getting at?
On the one hand, she doesn’t feel culturally competent, then castigates an entire community of color when she brings the child to a hairdresser who can do the child’s hair some justice. And as for traveling out of one’s way? Heterosexuals do it all the time for their children. It comes with being a parent. God forbid she should turn it into a quality mommy-daughter day out.
The article ends with the mother saying that in a few years when her daughter begins school, she may be the only black child in her class in her small, rural town, and this worries her. An indictment of the entire community. But how small-minded can the community be if she and her lesbian partner live there?
For a mother so ostensibly concerned with her daughter being picked on by racist family, tortured by racist classmates and neighbors, failed culturally by her mother, she has chosen to label the little girl a mistake, a wrongful birth, a human who never should have been. All because of a little extra melanin and some different hair.
For all their talk of tolerance, and openness, and inclusivity, and compassion, it isn’t unreasonable to expect gays and lesbians to put their money where their collective mouth is. One would expect a lesbian couple, of all people, to abhor the notion of “wrongful birth,” claiming a genetic etiology for their own orientation as they do.
Pity the child born to such poverty and bigotry.
You have a beautiful soul, Gerard… polished, chisled to exceptional qualities, and used often. Thank you for sharing with us! Now we can all pray for Payton. She is our future!
I am the white (adoptive) mother of brown children and I am afraid you are hopelessly naïve if you think a warm smile is going to cement race relationships. Unfortunately the name attached to this woman’s suit is the only way she can obtain restitution for what was clearly a contractual breach resulting in problems across the spectrum of her family and most importantly for this innocent little girl. If the mother prevails and is responsible she may be able to use some of the money for a better environment that may lessen the impact on the child.
Marion, I spent five months this year at Newark Beth Israel hospital with my best friend who was in heart failure, and then received a heart transplant there. 98% of the staff are black or other communities of color, and the hospital is situated in an area that is as bad as they get. In my time there I have developed wonderfully friendly relations with everyone from the desk clerk, to the wait staff and cooks in the lobby coffee shop, to the entire medical staff. But then, I grew up in a racially diverse Brooklyn, NY. It takes nothing to smile and be warm and cordial.
From all that has been reported, I’d bet the farm that this woman from her racist family, and filled with abhorrent racist projections is hardly going to the black-owned salon with a gracious smile and an attitude of warmth and gratitude. Black folk are no different than white folk in how they/we receive others. The disparity between my reception in Newark, NJ and this woman’s reception by the folk at the salon is explained by who we are and what we are projecting.
As for a lawsuit, sometimes we need to take the long view and realize that long-term damage to a child’s psyche isn’t worth the quick cash of a settlement. If there is an environment that will impact this child, it is the domestic environment financially enriched by the assertion that the child’s existence is entirely due to a tragic mistake in her mail order daddy and her wrongful birth and life among us.
Well said Dr. Gerard. I would only add that if one is going to sue a bunch of incompetents (and thereby make them shape up), one needs to use language that your lawyer recommends will be most indicative of the type of “harm” for which one can be compensated. My guess is that they used the language they did to show this type of harm, and that is most of it. Personally, I would not have taken it so seriously regarding the plaintiff’s motives. Language in a law suit such as this should be taken with a grain of salt. Nonetheless, Dr. Gerard, it was well said! To paraphrase Elizabeth, your soul was hand selected, dissected with surgical precision, heavenly marinated, expertly seasoned, and grilled to perfection!
As someone who willfully created a mixed-race family, I admit my first thought was, “Huh? Why would anyone think this is a problem?”
But I think this is one very well-articulated view in support of the women who filed the suit:
http://www.salon.com/2014/10/02/its_not_racist_to_sue_over_a_mixed_race_baby/
pt-109
Thanks. There are two separate issues at play here. The first (and most noxious) is the racist language of the mother. The second is the language of the suit, which amplifies the racist positions staked out by the mother. Dealing with the suit first. I agree with you that in purely strategic and tactical terms the attorneys need to craft language meant to whip up the sentiments of a jury if they are to prevail and secure the largest sum possible. The person who wins in court is not necessarily the person with truth on their side, but the person with the best story.
In that vein, the most compelling story is to say, “Look at these overtly racist and intolerant statements on the part of the mother. She admits that she is from a racist family and community, which is why this child’s birth has been, and will be a cross to bear for the rest of my client’s life!” That’s essentially what the point of the lawsuit is. That’s what the pain and suffering mentioned in the suit is all about, no?
But is such a suit in the best interest of the child? How do the words, “Wrongful Birth,” land on the ears of a young girl, or adolescent girl, or young woman? I don’t see the pain and suffering component here. Let the lesbians move to San Francisco, or Boston, or New York where there are large, enlightened populations, where there are large lesbian populations. But I digress. They are a lesbian couple in a community of just over 2,000. If they haven’t faced persecution for that, then the race issue is a red herring.
Peace, brother
If the mother had followed God’s plan, using natural means of having a family, eg. marrying a male that she knew the genetic and racial background of, and conceiving through natural conception, there would be no issues.
Instead, this woman lives an immoral lifestyle, and to further that, engages in artificial means of conception, and still has the chutzpah to complain about her bastard child being the wrong color? Sorry, but I have zero sympathy for her. She spun the wheel of fortune, and got something that she didn’t want.
Dr. Gerard,
Always a pleasure to hear your thoughts. These ladies must have felt something akin to what we would feel if we learned at the delivery (by one mean or another) that our wives gave birth to someone else’s baby. Although they chose a “father” the way they might have chosen a house, still they chose and fell in love with the child they thought they had. Now, they have every right to be angry as can be — as we might be — and they are almost compelled to sue — we would sue — anyone would sue. Those morons at the clinic should pay $1,000,000 for their incompetence. Now, a law suit is necessary, but how do you craft such a suit? Do you tell your daughter that she was not the one you wanted, that the father and his biological product were unacceptable? No, it’s less painful for the daughter to find out that you’re suit is due to the fact that racial equality is still a work in progress, and still a source of psychological pain, rather than her father was a bum, and therefore she is a bum. Between the two, Dr. Gerard, I’d take the former. Under the difficult circumstances, and the irresistible compulsion to take these “doctors” to court, and actually win the suit, I think it was the least objectionable among the few tactics that might prevail. Taken out of this narrow context, their argument is just plain silly, if not actually racist.
PS: When I read your words, and compare them with those of Smokey Behr, I appreciate you ever-the-more, my friend. We may not always agree, you and I, but you show a compassion for all people and much wisdom.
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@ Smokey Behr — I can’t believe you referred to this child as a bastard. No child chooses the circumstances of their birth. Shame on you.